'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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