I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
