my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you win again, gameday.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
