Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
