found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
