Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
