In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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