I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
