my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
