I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We're too hungover to prance.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
