4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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