so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
