is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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