I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
