I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
