my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
