everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
