i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
