just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
