It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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