Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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