new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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