I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
