i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
