**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
