I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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