Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
