I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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