Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
