Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
