I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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