I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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