he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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