How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
