I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
