If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
