he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
