his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
