I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
jump out the window naked night went bad
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
