Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
