Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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