I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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