I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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