i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
