Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am in a vortex of obligation.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
