I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
