listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
