I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
