WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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