so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
